I am currently working in a classroom, with young children. In my class there is a young boy, only second grade. He has long hair, plays with dolls, and loves to draw pictures of women. He constantly questions the gender of people (and things), and asks if he looks like a girl.

I recognize my younger self in him. I know that he is transgender. I know what he is going through. I want so badly to help him. I want to tell him that I know, that I see him, that it is okay to be himself, and that things will get better. I want to tell him about my past, and show him pictures of my former self.

He is on an incentive program at school. When he completes a non preferred task, he is rewarded with playtime. An aide in the classroom had suggested using dolls as a reinforcer. The teacher agreed that it was a good idea. I saw this as a great opportunity to help the child. I promptly went online, and ordered a Barbie. I found one I knew he would like. It had dark skin like his and long, colorful hair. It came with a brush, and other accessories.

I got caught up in the moment and also ordered the book, I Am Jazz. I couldn’t wait until Monday to give it to him. I was so excited. I told my wife about the purchase. She looked at me and told me something I did not want to hear. She said that I absolutely, could not give him the book. That the city was in the process of pulling kids books about gender identity and sexual orientation, out of the public libraries. That if I gave him the book, I would lose my job.

I was crushed. But once again, she was right. There is still too much fear and hatred in this world. This child would have to wait a little longer, feel isolated a little longer. It broke my heart.

I wish I could help you more little one. But for now I’ll just keep writing. I’ll keep living my truth. And someday, you too will know freedom.